My DH through his FB stats…

I always get a kick out of reading my DH’s FB stats so here are some for your amusement as well!

Round Three and I guess they have another Doc working here. Unlike the last guy who had the precision of a watch maker, this guy had the finesse of a GED dropout working at Jiffy Lube! All I can say is…., FUCK!!!!!! This one hurt! He jammed me with so much Novocaine I can’t feel half my nose! Here’s where I go back into my rant about people being horrible at their jobs again!!!!

Definitely the move of Whitey. A 48 year old Lance Armstrong wannabe stuffed into a sausage casing tying up traffic. I never felt the need to dress up like Mario Andretti to take the car out for a spin! Wanna bet you don’t see too many of these cats riding through the hood?

The Hinsdale Housewife strikes again! The dude at the Mobile station told me some broad in an SUV clipped this parked scooter and kept going. In other news, I saw the meter maid that unjustifiably ticketed my car this week. Just as I figured, not the regular guy that knows my car but some dingbat talking on her cellphone while checking the meters. A greater testament to her motivation is how someone who walks around all day still manages to pack on 60 extra pounds? I left that part off of my complaint form.

My first “Uncle Pete’s” in the post Bin Laden era. This is much better than taking a permanent nap in the Marianas Trench! Another reason the terrorists hate us: Our superior pizza technology. We are CLEARLY a more civilized society! In the words of that Macaroni and Cheese cat: “You KNOW we luv it!”…

I give thee Excalibur my Lady!!!!!!! I knew I liked this chick! Oh yes!… Oh yes indeed your Grace!
 
When I’m not being entertained by looking at fancy cars, or “C-List” celebrities in town, I’m being amused by people’s actions. Whether it be oblivious housewives double parking and blocking traffic to this clown who decided to do a sharp U-turn to grab this parking spot but for some reason hammered the gas, screeched his tires and slammed into the parking meter. The worst part for him was probably not the damage, rather being openly heckled by the dizzy real estate broads from their office across the way. Nothing better than having a couple of 50 year old Yenta’s with too much makeup on yelling “Have another drink Buddy!”
 
Well it’s “official”. A gallon of gas has surpassed a cup of Starbucks in Illinois. I just paid $4.42 for premium. Good thing I don’t give an F and this only means I will be pressing this thing harder on I-88 next week. Let’s try for 105 mph shall we? If they are going to screw me on the price of gas, I’ll screw them on their speed limit laws. Sounds like a fair trade off to me?
 
Here’s a “feel good” as a taxpayer. Two Hinsdale cops getting their cars washed on the taxpayer’s dime. Ahh, last time we had a car washed here, I believe it cost $16! Really man???? No prisoners available to do this??? AND IL had the nerve to jam us with a tax increase???!!! F.U.!!!!!
 
As a society, how lazy have we become? Just slide out of bed and not even have to get dressed? Didn’t the Three Stooges used to roll like that? Besides, these “pajama jeans” make chicks asses look weird. Something isn’t right? Just a bit off? I got it ! No support for their overfed tushes! In the same way Nurses got fat once they went to wearing smocks and loose clothes so goes the way of the pajama mamas!
 
I’ve seen some poor decision making in my time but THIS is a really curious culinary choice for a snack coming from vending machine that is positioned next to an industrial toilet. I mean, how much of the envelope do you want to push?… Tuna. Thai. Spicy. Chili. It looks like a $2 “Medley” of death! Where are you in life when you’re making decisions like this????
 
It’s becoming PAINFULLY obvious why poor people have such bad teeth! WTF! THIS is what brushing, flossing AND having dental insurance gets you!!! It’s one of those industries, much like being a “Life Coach” that just charges WAYYY too much for what they’re actually doing! It isn’t that much different from being an auto mechanic!