Riding with the Harley Dogs: One Author’s Adventure by Angie Fox

I’d always known writing would be an adventure, but I never predicted my writing would put me on the back of a coal black Harley Davidson, with an Irish Setter in tow. I’d set out to write a paranormal about a straight-laced preschool teacher turned demon slayer who has to run off with a gang of geriatric biker witches. But my heroine has a smart-mouthed dog that, thanks to her new powers, can talk…and talk…and talk. And I really loved that dog. What’s a writer to do? Well, I went online and learned that there is a nationwide club of Harley bikers who ride with their dogs. So my heroine could have her pink Harley, and her Jack Russell Terrier too.

And of course I had to meet these Harley riding dog lovers. I called up a few of the members of a Biker Dogs Motorcycle Club and the adventure began. They invited me into their homes, introduced me to their dogs and, like my heroine, the bikers hoisted me up on the back of a Harley, with a dog in tow.

Things I learned right off the bat:

• After an hour on a Harley, you’ll walk like John Wayne for a week
• Helmets hurt when they are worn backwards
• Dogs love riding motorcycles

Stone, the biker who spent the most time making sure I didn’t fall off his hog, showed me how to ride, invited me to some biker rallies (note to self: don’t wear pink next time), and helped make The Accidental Demon Slayer as real as it can be (for a book about a somewhat sheltered preschool teacher turned demon slayer).

So just when I thought I was writing fiction, it seemed my made-up characters from The Accidental Demon Slayer weren’t so imaginary after all. One of the bikers I met even has a wife who is a biker witch. I’m wondering if she, like my heroine’s biker witch grandma, wears a “kiss my asphalt” t-shirt and carries a carpet bag full of Smuckers jars filled with magic. Maybe I’ll find out on my next adventure.

*And if you want to read The Accidental Demon Slayer, it’s available free for e-readers.

Amazon / Nook / Kobo

AUTHORS BIO: Angie Fox is the New York Times bestselling author of several books about vampires, werewolves and things that go bump in the night.

She claims that researching her stories can be just as much fun as writing them. In the name of fact-finding, Angie has ridden with Harley biker gangs, explored the tunnels underneath Hoover Dam and found an interesting recipe for Mamma Coalpot’s Southern Skunk Surprise (she’s still trying to get her courage up to try it).

Angie earned a Journalism degree from the University of Missouri. She worked in television news and then in advertising before beginning her career as an author. Angie enjoys making up fun quizzes and thinks you should take one right now.

What’s Your Biker Witch Name?

Downton Abbey Bummer…

…before I even begin with this post, be warned, there will be spoilers so if you haven’t watched the show at all or haven’t seen the ending of the third season, you may want to skip my post altogether…BUT, if you’ve seen all three seasons of it, I would love it if you’d put your two cents in and possibly walk me off the ledge?

I am an avid PBS supporter and my guilty pleasure has always been Masterpiece Theater, even way back when Alistair Cook was the host. I loved watching The Six Wives of Henry VIII; Elizabeth R; Poldark; I, Claudius; Upstairs, Downstairs and The Forsyte Saga. For someone who loves history, PBS was a gold mine and I spent hours watching, absorbing and enjoying those shows and many, many more.

Couple of years ago they started broadcasting a new series called Downton Abbey and I was hooked! What’s not to like?! There’s aristocracy, domestic help, love, intrigue, passion, humor…and tragedy.

Here is a great video from PBS that tells the two first seasons of Downton Abbey in five minutes. If you’ve never seen it, I think this will hook you good…oh, and no spoilers…yet…

*Do NOT continue unless you like the spoilers*

This past Sunday we’ve come to the end of the third season and after three days, I’m still grieving…

I’ve yet to get over the shock of Sybil’s passing, for crying out loud [literally, crying out LOUD!]. Every time I see little Syb and Tom, I get all choked up. I honestly didn’t see that one coming! Watching her parents cope with her sudden death was heart wrenching. Both were left blaming Robert, until the good doctor stepped in with an honest assessment of the situation. And that wouldn’t have happened without the Old Bird’s [the Dowager] interference.

Speaking of, I always loved Maggie Smith [and not only because she’s the mother of one of the best actors to walk the Earth, Toby Stephens] because she not just acts…she embodies the characters she plays to such a degree that you don’t see an actress in a role, but a character that is real, flesh and blood and bone. Someone that reaches out to you and makes you a part of whatever she becomes. Every scene she’s in, it becomes a living, breathing entity that pulls you deeper and deeper into the spell…

The scene in which she grieves her youngest granddaughters death is heart breaking because she’s trying so hard to stay strong for her son and her daughter in law. Priceless, I tell you!

Anyways, I digress. On top of dealing with one loss, now I had to gird my loins for another. That of a beloved main character and a hero…Damn but it hurt to see him like this!

Yes, I knew it was coming because I read even before the season began what its creator Julian Fellowes said about the actor’s abrupt exit, it’s just that I didn’t know how the end would be brought about…and then my last glimpse of  him was just shocking… I just broke down and cried…

Just when all was going well for this couple… just when they reached that point in their lives when their dream comes true, he gets killed in a car crash! THE END! My last glimpse of him was very disturbing. It will take me a while to get over it and accept his death [I’ve already come to terms of Dan Stevens’ departure and truly wish him the best], but not seeing his smile… his deep, blue eyes… [sigh]…

The theme song “Did I Make the Most of Loving You?” is so right after the ending of this season… so haunting…tells the love story of Mary and Mathew…just listen to the words…

The fourth season will open six months after the tragedy and I wonder how Lady Mary is going to deal with his death…I keep picturing her keeping it all in, postponing her grief for the sake of their little boy, which is yet to be named. Or, maybe she has a complete personality change and is trying to embrace everything life has to offer by partying too hard? Or will she take over the Downton project that Mathew never had a chance to finish and see his vision through for their son’s sake?

Oh, and the next suitor for her affections better be someone I approve of!

Happy ‘P&P’ Birthday!

As I sit here and contemplate and read everything about the 200th anniversary of  Jane Austen’s writing of ‘Pride and Prejudice’  I wonder how many of us have read it or for that matter, any other of her wonderful works. Just in case you’ve never read it, now you can read it here.

Here’s what ‘Jane Austen’s Regency World’ is saying today…

“The media is awash with stories how today – Monday, January 28, 2013 – is the 200th anniversary of the first publication of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

Chawton Cottage appeared on BBC Breakfast this morning.

The P&P readathon is being streamed from the Jane Austen Centre here in Bath.

And the Pride & Prejudice special edition of Jane Austen’s Regency World magazine is still available – as is Celebrating Pride and Prejudice, by Maggie Lane and Hazel Jones, marking 200 years of Jane Austen’s ‘darling child’”.

To all of you that haven’t read Jane, I so hope you at least watched some of the mini series and movies that tried to capture her written word. Instead of writing my thoughts on everything Austen, I ‘raided’ the You Tube and here’s what I came up with….

Laurence Olivier

Colin Firth

David Rintoul

Matthew Macfadyen

Elliot Cowan

Martin Henderson

And here are some of my favorite scenes from my favorite movies/series….

Out of all her works, what did you like the best? Who is your favorite Darcy and why? To one of you, b2b will send ‘LOST IN AUSTEN’ mini series that I fell in love with the first time I saw it! *US ONLY ;(

If you’re impatient to see if you’re the winner of this series, here it is in its entirety.

Jon Paul & Kieran Kramer fans! Vote for ‘Say Yes to the Duke’ cover!

This contest is just too good to be true! We, the fans of this duo of unbelievably talented artists, Kieran Kramer & Jon Paul, are invited to take part in choosing a cover for Kieran’s next book ['Say Yes to the Duke' Book 3 in the House of Brady series, out in August] from THREE poses done by Jon Paul.

This contest is run by Heroes & Heartbreakers website and it’s on their FB page. You can stop by their page [LIKE them while you're there, won't you?], from now ’till Thursday at 5 p.m. ET and cast your vote for 1 of 3 possible poses for the hero and heroine by “LIKING” your favorite pose: The image/pose with the most “likes” on Facebook* after 5 p.m. ET that day is the pose that will end up on the final cover!

Once the contest is over and the winning cover chosen, it will be revealed on H&H. How cool is that?!

Head on over to Facebook now to check out the images and to cast your vote for your favorite pose!

*Don’t forget! YOU MUST “LIKE” THE PICTURE of your choice! Just commenting ain’t enough!

**The art for all 3 poses, including the image used at the top of this post, is courtesy of Jon Paul, www.jonpaulstudios.com

***b2b will giveaway Kieran Kramer’s ‘Say Yes to the Duke’ to one lucky winner that jumps over and comments on H&H’s FB page and comes back and tell us which pose they voted for and why! US Giveaway only!

Here’s my favorite and the reason I voted for it is the dreamy look in both of their eyes…oh, and those booty cheeks on the hero are nothing to sneeze at!

Merry Christmas!

Today we celebrate the birth of Our Savior and one birthday unlike any other in the whole universe…

Wishing you a very merry and peaceful Christmas Day and this whole holiday season.

Isaiah 9:6

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Luke 2:11

For to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

Time for some old Christmas reads…

Can you believe it?! December is here! That means whatever I’m reading that’s not a Christmas story, it needs to be abandoned for everything that is Christmas story.

Before I get to them though, I’d like to thank you all for making our second anniversary a huge success.To all the authors that have participated and to those that have been busy in their ‘writing caves’ and couldn’t stop by this year [and who I'll certainly accost next year], I want to send my heartfelt thanks. You are a bunch of unbelievably generous people that make me appreciate and love your work and you that much more.

My thanks go to all of my new and old subscribers who’ve faithfully followed and made comments [and made my days so much fun just by reading them all], I send my big, huge, humongous Serbian hug and a kiss! Without you, there wouldn’t be bookworm2bookworm. Period.

I also want to thank you all, authors and readers alike, for your patience with me on the contests that ran with every post [thirty-five in total for the month of November], as I procrastinated ’till the very last. I promise that by the end of this weekend many of you will be pleasantly surprised to find your names on our Contest page, and by the end of next weekend, we will have the Grand Prize announced and given away!

This month I’d like to dedicate to Christmas stories and will be recommending some that I’ve read before as well as some newly published. I hope you’ll stop by and join me in the coming weeks to find out which one’s I’m recommending and maybe recommend some of your own… I love this time of year and there’s nothing better than finding that perfect Christmas story that touches your heart, makes you sigh and cry…

Let me start with one of my all time favorites, and that is a story from Anne Gracie from an anthology I read a couple of years ago, Gifts of the Season. If you asked me about the other two stories in that book, I would have to probably think a bit to recollect them, but if you asked me about Anne’s, I’d tell you that I just cried and cried and smiled and smiled, that’s how much I loved the story and highly recommend you pick it up.

Gifts of the Season Anthology 

BOOK BLURB: The Virtuous Widow by Anne Gracie

Ellie was afraid she had no future. Left to her own devices now that her husband had passed away, she worried for her daughter’s welfare as well as her own. But her world changed when a stranger landed on her doorstep.

A Gift Most Rare by Miranda Jarrett 

Sara had never thought to see her precious Rev ever again. Yet here he was, come to stay for the holidays in the very home where she was a governess…and bringing up the painful memories of their shared past.

Christmas Charade by Lyn Stone

Beth didn’t want a husband. But when she agreed to marry handsome Jack as part of a scheme, she didn’t expect to be playing with her heart.

My next two recommends are from Mary Balogh. She never fails to give me one of the most touching Christmas stories and here are the two I think you’ll love.

A Christmas Promise

BOOK BLURB: A love that cannot be bought or sold proves to be the greatest gift of all, in this heartwarming classic that demonstrates once again why New York Times bestselling author Mary Balogh is among the most celebrated authors of historical romance.

Weddings are supposed to be joyous occasions—especially when a couple seems as well matched as Randolph Pierce, Earl of Falloden, and his bride-to-be, Eleanor Transome. Ellie brings to the marriage a vast dowry, while Falloden, though distant, is handsome, tremendously desirable, and possessed of a title most young ladies can only dream of sharing.

Yet Ellie is not most young ladies. She knows that she must honor her dear father’s dying wish for her to wed the proud earl, but she dreads a lifetime in a union without love—and how can Falloden claim to love her when he married her only for her fortune? As Christmas descends upon the Falloden manor, the warmth of the season may yet melt away the trappings of duty and wealth, leaving behind only a man and a woman destined for each other’s arms.

Under the Mistletoe Collection

BOOK BLURB: In this collection of five Christmas-themed stories, beloved author Mary Balogh brings together tales of love, marriage, friendship, loneliness, and healing.

Includes four Balogh holiday classics, The Star of Bethlehem, The Best Gift, Playing House, and No Room At the Inn, as well as A Family Christmas, which is only available in this anthology.

A Christmas Scandal by Jane Goodger

BOOK BLURB: In her latest romance, Jane Goodger weaves an unforgettable tale of a woman who thinks she’s lost everything–until a little Christmas magic reunites her with the one man she could never forget. . .

Dashing, debonair, and completely irresistible, Edward Hollings has all of Newport buzzing–and to Maggie Pierce’s surprise, she alone has caught his eye. But when the handsome earl returns to England without proposing, a devastated Maggie knows she must forget him. Life only gets worse for Maggie, as all her dreams of happiness and love come crashing down around her. When Maggie receives an invitation to go to England for the Christmas birth of her dear friend’s baby, she accepts–vowing to keep her devastating lies and shameful secrets from the one man she has ever loved.

Edward vowed he’d never marry, but he came dangerously close with Maggie. She’s beautiful, witty, indescribably desirable–and Edward can’t forget her. When Maggie visits mutual friends for Christmas, Edward can’t stay away. In fact, he finds himself more attracted to her than ever–a desire fueled even more by Maggie’s repeated snubs. With the love he never thought he’d find slipping away, Edward is determined to make Maggie his own, no matter what the cost. . .

The Present by Johanna Lindsey

BOOK BLURB: As the entire Malory family gathers at Haverston to celebrate the season, a mysterious present arrives anonymously. The gift is an old journal — a tender and tempestuous account of the love affair between the second Marquis, Christopher Malory, and a dark gypsy beauty named Anastasia, who seeks a love match with a non-gypsy in order to save herself from a prearranged marriage to a brute.

Though the dashing English lord Anastasia sets her sight upon burns for the exquisite, exotic miss, Christopher could never consent to wed such a lowborn lady. But miracles have been known to happen in this season of peace and giving and love, as two extraordinary people separated by circumstance of birth begin a passionate dance of will and wiles.

And in the miraculous blossoming of a glorious romance at a long ago Christmastime, there are wise and well-learned lessons that will enrich the hearts of the Malory descendants — and, indeed, of everyone who has ever dreamed.

Forbidden Magic by Jo Beverly

BOOK BLURB: Left penniless after her parents’ death, Meg Gillingham was in dire straits. Her cruel landlord threatened to turn her and her siblings out of their home by the New Year—unless she surrendered her sister to his lecherous whims. Only a miracle could save her: a magic statue that granted wishes—for a price.

Meg never expected the statue to bring her a marriage proposal, especially from the handsome Earl of Saxonhurst, who needed a bride to keep his fortune. Her heart raced wildly, for she was held spellbound by her desire for this man. But a villain was determined to destroy their union with mistrust, and see them dead. Now Meg had to put her faith in a more powerful magic—the magic of love.

A Wallflower Christmas by Lisa Kleypas

BOOK BLURB: Rafe Bowman has just arrived from America for his arranged meeting with Natalie, the very proper and beautiful daughter of Lady and Lord Blandford. His chiseled good looks and imposing physique are sure to impress the lady-in-waiting, and if it weren’t for his shocking American ways and wild reputation, her hand would already be guaranteed. Before the courtship can begin, Rafe realizes he must learn the rules of London society. But when four former Wallflowers try their hand at matchmaking, no one knows what will happen…

Winning a bride turns out to be more complicated than Rafe Bowman anticipated, especially for a man accustomed to getting anything he wants. However, Christmas works in the most unexpected ways, changing a cynic to a romantic…and inspiring passion in the most timid of hearts.

That’s just a handful of books that I really enjoyed in the past and I hope you’d give them a try, unless you already read them, in which case I would love to know what you thought of them. I usually look for short Christmas stories, often found in Anthologies  at this time of the year. They are the best because they give me the feel for the authors that I haven’t read before.

Speaking of, do you like Anthologies and why? If you have any good Christmas recommendations for me please let me know. This month should be fun as we talk Christmas books…and giveaway a few of those…

It’s Scavenger Hunt, Baby!

Let’s have some fun today for Halloween!

Y’all, Kristal here! I thought how about today I post a little scavenger hunt for our readers!  I will post ten clues, you find the authors.  Everyone who gets all the answers correct goes into the hat for a $25.00 amazon gift card!  Second place will win a $10.00 Barnes and Noble gift card and third place gets a big ol’ bag of Halloween candy!  Simple as that!

For this scavenger hunt, I’ll give you one hint each, about different paranormal authors and some of my fave’ characters.

You may use any resource available to you to find these answers!  Are you ready to answer the questions and win some prizes?!

We are starting with a GOODIE.  One of my personal favorites of all time.

1. Who is this couple?

 “What is your name?” she murmured.
He cocked an eyebrow at her and then went back to staring at his brother. “I’m the evil one, in case you haven’t figured it out.”
“I wanted your name, not your calling.”
“Being a bastard’s more of a compulsion, really. And it’s ________. I am _________.”

 Next few are easy ones, almost a gimme, I dare you not to know them, but here goes!

2. This author’s most famed series is written about the Carpathian mountains.

3. How many books are there in Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter Series?

4. I write a series about time traveling Highlanders.  I use my entire name, including my middle names and sometimes people refer to me only with my initials.  The first initial is K.  Who am I?

5. I write about feral shape shifting warriors.  What is my name and what is the next animal to have a book coming out?

6. Best-selling author Lara Adrian said this…. Fill in the blanks.  “Absorbing and edgy, darkly seductive–everything vampire romance should be! __________ is an enthralling read, set in a rich story world of blood wars and intrigue, complex characters and scorching sensuality. _______________ turns up the heat and takes you on a wild ride!”

7. Most of my vampire novels have the word “Midnight” in the title.  Who am I?

8. I have a book coming out on November 20, 2012.  My hero’s name is Pestilence and he completes a series of four books.  Who am I and what is my series called?

9. I write about paranormal Dream Guardians.  Who am I?

10. I write about deadly angels and time traveling Vikings.  Can you tell me the name of my twin brother Vikings and what books they appear in?

Ok, now go forth, have fun and scavenge me some good answers!

*Giveaway open to US only.

Goodnight Sweet Demelza…

For all you young’ens who are not familiar with Demelza, I am here to introduce her and the series, to you.

Angharad Rees “was a Welsh actress, best known for her British television roles during the 1970s, and in particular her leading role as Demelza in the 1970s BBC drama series Poldark.”[Wikipedia],

‘Poldark’ was a BBC television series based on the novels written by Winston Graham which aired in England from 1975 to 1977. In the late ’70s I found myself back in the ‘Old Country’ Yugoslavia, back then, married and very lonely at night as my brand new husband was working third shift. Serbian TV just about that time started running a serial called ‘Poldark’ and I was so happy not have had to read the subtitles, but what made my heart sing was the wonderful love story of Ross and Demelza. The main story centers around Captain Ross Poldark who was played to a tee by an actor whose name I never heard before, Robin Ellis. I honestly think that any other actor would have ‘overact’ this larger than life character. The producers, or which ever power that be chose this young actor to play this role, deserves a medal. Robin Ellis WAS Ross and we all ‘ate him up’ as he stole our hearts.

Ross Poldark arrives home from the American Revolutionary War and finds out that his life will never be the same again. His father has passed on; the farmlands and copper mines they’ve owned, are now being sold; his uncle has claimed the estate and the love of his life and his secret fiancée Elizabeth, played by Jill Townsend, is now engaged to his cousin Francis, played by Clive Francis. As Ross slowly sets out to rebuild his life and accept the union of Francis and Elizabeth, he comes across an urchin ‘boy’ who will steal his heart. Demelza, played by the beloved  Angharad Rees, is a poor, hungry, fifteen year old girl who hasn’t eaten in a long while. Their first meeting takes place at a fair, where she’s caught steeling bread.

Ross feels sorry for and feeds the poor urchin, and after some persuasion from Demelza, he offers her shelter and work at his home. It didn’t take long for Demelza to ‘clean up’ and for Ross to start liking her. However, the love of his life, Elizabeth, was always on his mind and it took Ross awhile to realize that his life has been blessed by Demelza, and he finally admits his love to her.

Even though the main characters drove most of the stories, this was an ensemble series and the secondary characters had their own troubles. Who can forget  Dr. Dwight Enys played by Richard Morant, a young new doctor who comes to serve the small mining community and finds himself falling in love with a married woman, Keren Daniel, who ends up killed by her husband after he discovers her infidelity. For a long time Dwight blames himself for her death, but one encounter with a very rich and very spoiled heiress Caroline Penvenen played by Judy Geeson, starts a relationship that will eventually end up in a marriage.

And then there are his old servants, Jud and Prudie Paynter played by Paul Curran and Mary Wimbush, that brought so much humor to their characters and to the series as well. And what would one of these series be without a villain, and this one had it in George Warleggan who was played to perfection by Ralph Bates. George Warleggan hated Ross with a passion and he wanted to own everything that Ross owned and loved, so he went after Elizabeth and eventually married her (after Frances died).

But what stunned me the most was the setting of this drama. It was set in Cornwall, and with its breathtaking scenery of cliffs, coves and beaches, it was pure magic.

And talking of magic, Angharad Rees’ portrayal of Demelza was magical, too. When Demelza smiles, her whole face lights up and we cannot but bask in it. She was THE ultimate romance heroine and someone that I credit for pointing me to romance novels. I just found out (through Robin Ellis’ Blog) that she passed away at the age of sixty-three. My heart goes out to all her family, friends and millions of fans. She will be always fondly remembered by all of us that adored her portrayal of Demelza. None of us can ever forget that smile that lit up the small screen like millions of stars upon the night sky.

I have never had the pleasure to meet her in person, but a few months ago I read a story that was set in Cornwall and I thought of ‘Poldark’ series so I thought to Google it and see if I can see what happened to some of the cast members, but that night I ended up re watching the WHOLE series. I also found out that Robin Ellis would be coming to my local Barnes & Nobles promoting his new cook book and ‘Making Poldark’ book as well, and I was NOT going to miss this chance to meet ‘Ross’. What a real treat that was! My husband and I had a ball meeting Mr. and Mrs. Ellis and a few of his ardent fans as well. You can also read Robin’s tribute to her here and listen to it here (about 2 hrs. and 40 min. in-move the line to the #).

Tell us if you ever saw POLDARK and your thoughts about it. Who started you on the romance ‘trip’ and how long ago?

Happy International Kissing Day!

What?! You didn’t know this? Well, now that you do, grab your ‘significant other, or in my case my ‘better half’ and give them a kiss they’ll remember!

To get you in a mood, here’s my choice of three best kissing scenes I’ve seen on the screen.

Here at b2b we’ll celebrate today by giving away some  books that need a new home ;D Tell us about the best kiss you had or seen it on the screen!

(*open only for US) 

Time for …’My DH’s FB stats’!

Could never figure out how what would seem to be otherwise educated, professional men somehow end up fooling themselves into thinking that wearing a dead rat on their head is going to fool anybody? And why are the wives, brothers and friends of these dudes not stepping up and saying “Hey man, you look completely retarded and by the way, even if you still had hair, you couldn’t get laid in a woman’s prison with a handful of pardons!”… Late night TV rules!

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Evening post BBQ stroll on the “Good side” of town with one of Mel’s HIGHLY potent Clown Killers disguised in a Starbucks cup. Slight buzz, warm and listening To Carolla on a podcast. ENJOYING myself!

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Life lesson: ALWAYS get three estimates and NEVER trust an Internet review. Should have gone to see my man Al right off. Used him years ago but he’s getting older and slowing down. Still a throw back to the 70′s in his office. Lots of shitty knotty pine paneling in the office, a popcorn wagon and a weird squeaky overhead fan that I remember from TEN YEARS ago! Meaning, he’s been listening to it squeak for more than a decade and never bothered fixing it. After about 10 minutes I’d would have ripped the fucking thing out of the ceiling, but that’s just me. Also sporting the same haircut since 1958. Al’s awesome!

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So some dizzy broad calls in and asks this C***t how she can get out from underneath her under water mortgage on some P.O.S. condo she owns. But she’s “Fortunate” because she has a really good job and is getting married in the fall and she doesn’t want to take the loss EVEN THOUGH she can afford her payment. So what does this T**t tell the caller to do?… Bust out and DON’T pay her mortgage so she’ll qualify for a short sale. BLAMES the banks for not helping?!!! Helping??? She CAN afford the F’n payment! WTF kind of cry baby nation have we become for the love of Christ, where THIS is acceptable advice? You’d be considered a common dead beat bust out 50 years ago pulling this kind of move!… Where’s my Tylenol???!!!

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No shortage of products for lunatics being advertised on late night TV. I still want to know who’s putting pen to paper and committing literally millions of dollars to these fococtic ideas? I’m still of the opinion it’s the Chinese testing the waters to see if we’ve dumbed ourselves down enough to invade us at this point.

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Putting that “Italian Trash” out to the curb man. Melanie’s always arguing with me that if it came down to either an Aventador or that Murcielago SV, she’d always go with the SV. It’s a “numbers game” she says. Limited production, special edition, investment grade. She can appreciate the new technology, but that girl can’t get enough carbon fiber in her automotive diet. Give her a gated 6 speed and that heavy Lambo clutch, and she’s definitely in her element. FORZA!

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Sam Drucker of Green Acres out lived Eva Gabor but not Zsa Zsa Gabor. Cheech’s career somehow outlived Chong’s but now even though Tommy Chong’s prostate is on fire, I’m still not willing to count Zsa Zsa out by a long shot.

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So….you’re telling me the monkey in charge of changing the number on “Number of accident free days” plaque managed to cut his finger while trying to change said number? And by the way, NEVER managed to even complete the number change correctly? YES….. EVERYONE is a fuck up!!!! And the scariest part?… I’m not at all surprised! It’s over. It’s been over for a long time.

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So I pull into the Mobile station to top off the tank and all seems to be going well until the dingbat in the BMW next to me suddenly pulls out with the gas nozzle still working. Next thing I see is this thing on the ground pumping gas all over the place. Thinking I’m going to end up in a fucking explosion, I hurriedly stop my pump, jump in the car and move it out into the street. The dizzy broad then comes back, STILL on her phone and continues to fill her tank at the same pump, acting like nothing happened? At least 10 gallons of raw fuel all over the place and thank God it’s raining! POINT BEING: You are more likely to be killed by some dingbat American chick on a cell phone in a car than any terrorist! Also interesting, according to the guys working at the station, almost ALL of the drive offs without paying are women. Distracted just a bit are we?

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Definitive proof that we really are just a society of fucking morons, as validated by corporate America. Somewhere, someone in the marketing department at Hershey’s said “Hey man, all we have to do is make the text bigger on the packaging and reduce the chocolate to as thin as the width of a nickel and the monkeys will keep paying us a buck for it and think they’re actually getting more!” Seems to have worked, because at first glance I thought it was bigger too. The good news is that an L.A.U.S.D. “Diploma” is still only 75 cents out of this vending machine.

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We’ve come a long way. A dozen roses is practically free and a gallon of gas exceeds 50% of the minimum wage. At least they let you watch sports center while they’re screwing you. Cable TV in the gas pumps man. Can’t go 30 seconds without some sort of stimulation. No wonder everyone’s rolling around with some form of ADHD these days.

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1:04 a.m. Central time. Nothing to do but enjoy this balmy starry night on the patio listening to the hum of central air conditioning units and the fountain. Enjoying the last White Russian because I just ran out of half and half. If I were in L.A. I’d head down to the Ralph’s in my bathrobe and pay in loose change for another carton… But I’m not in L.A. at the moment. The “Dude” abides. Man.

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12:00 midnight officially April 1st. My lovely wife’s Birthday. On my way upstairs to surprise her.