I’ve never experienced this feeling of utter shock and disbelief. I saw it in the movies…I heard others talk about it…but I never FELT it.
Until Saturday, June Sixteenth Two Thousand and Twelve.
There truly are no words that can really describe that feeling of utter shock, helplessness, sadness, despair, anger, regret.
Rage? No, not even rage can encompass the range of emotions that go through one’s 
heart and mind at that moment. To all of you that one time or another have felt this feeling, I offer my deep, deep sympathise and hope that with time I will get to a place of acceptance and piece which I hear will happen, eventually.
As for now, today my tears are no longer accompanied with sobs, but are quietly rolling down my cheeks with every thought of him.
As for now, today my grief continues for a baby brother that I remember fondly as a baby boy, a young man full of mischief and deviltry.
As for now, today my regrets mount one after another; might have’s, should have’s and would have’s are so, so many…yet today they all are…too late. Just some insignificant words that are too damn late to be implemented!
As for now, today our family has gathered around me to grieve with me; to share their stories of him that will stay in their hearts and find permanent place in mine; to celebrate him and his life.
As for now, today I am still not ready to say good-bye, but will say…May God grant him the deep sleep of rest; may He give him piece he no doubt sought; and may He grant us a second chance at this brother/sister thing, because without that belief my pain would truly be unbearable.
I will forever be to him his Ceca first and foremost.
Oh, Mel, what a beautiful tribute. I’m so, so, so sorry you’re going through all of this. But I do know love transcends death. My sincere condolences.
How right you are, Mo! Thank you for always knowing just the right thing to say to me. Your friendship means a lot.
Hugs and prayers for you and your family,
Mel, I am so so sorry for your loss. I have been thinking about you constantly. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. If you need to chat, I am always here! Love ya! Xoxoxo
Sweet Kristal,
Thank you for just being there for me to lean on, and I just might take you up on it!
my prayers that time eases the pain while helping the happy memories glow bright in you heart instead.
donna ann,
Prayers are always welcome and greatly appreciated, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending them my way.
Mel – I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. To lose a loved one is the hardest thing in life. Right now, the pain is so intense that you can’t imagine it ever easing. Hopefully someday, your happy memories with your brother, will crowd out this terrible sense of loss and grief.
Kim,
From your mouth to God’s ears! My head knows this, but my heart needs to catch up with what my head’s telling it…
I am thinking of you and your family Mel. So sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for you Melanie and your families loss. I will have you all in my thoughts and prayers. Big hug.
I am one o’dose people that always gives Big Hugs, and today I am happy to receive one from you!
Thanks…
Mel -
Thank you for sharing this wonderful tribute to your brother. I understand your loss and as the days pass you will never forget but you will also remember the good times you shared and they will lift your spirits and you will smile in remembrance.
Always remember that he will always be with you because you would not be the person you are today without having known and loved him.
Jeanne,
I woke up Sunday morning and finally was able to ‘string’ some words together and I was so glad I did. It made the pain just a bit less…
Thanks so much for your encouraging words. it means a lot.
So sorry, sweetheart! I love the last two pictures of you two…
Misty,
That’s the pic that makes me smile…It was taken on May 25, 2012 and it gave me so much hope for our relationship…just to be snatched out on June 16, 2012…
So sorry for your loss. The fact that you are grieving for him shows how deeply you loved him. We all will pass when it is our time. I am certain that you will see him again, in another life.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss, Mel.
XOXO – Evelyn
Evelyn,
Thanks. Time heals all wounds, and I’m gonna need some time for this one to heal….
So sorry for your loss, Mel. Condolences to your family.
Jane,
Thank you from all of us…We’re all taking it hard.
Hugs to you, Melanie!
Sweet Erin,
just thinking of your hug and your pretty face makes me smile, so thanks so much for stopping by and giving it.
Oh, Melanie, my heart is with you. I’m so very, very sorry. I wish you the loving warmth of all who care for you around you now to hold you as you grieve. I suspect you were a wonderful sister to him, and that he must have been very proud to have you as his sister. My deepest most heartfelt sympathy is with you now.
Katharine,
To be surrounded by some of my loving family is truly a Blessing, but I’m afraid one of my regrets is that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me [not by my choice], and for some reason because of it, my grief, guilt and pain will be lingering with me for some time to come…
Thank you for your wonderful words of sympathy. Truly, they help.
Mel, I am so very sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. He will forever live on in your heart and each person’s heart he touched throughout his life. I am sending you healing (((HUGS))) and have you in my prayers.
Thanks a bunch for the healing hugs. They have been the balm to my soul and my mind.
Mel,
I cannot even begin to image the pain that you and your family are feeling at this time. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Best,
Christine
Christine,
Just you stopping by here, with the words of encouragement and sympathies, helps me cope through another day….
So sorry for the loss of your brother. Peace be with you and memories are love forever more.
Rhiannon,
Thank you much and piece is just what I need, and know it will be here…soon.
Mel, so sorry for your loss. Our loved one are never supposed to go away are they? Some day the memories you have will bring a smile to your face and not just tears.
Melanie, so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts will be with you.
Thanks Terri.
I picked up his ashes yesterday and now we’re planning a memorial service (or a Party that he wanted).
Holding the Urn just made it so final…and the reality is finally sinking in…
Terri!!!!
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sympathy…Memories are now what I have left of him….Life goes on…and it hits at the most odd moments that he is NO LONGER here…to touch, to yell at and to hug and kiss…to make up…