I’ve never experienced this feeling of utter shock and disbelief. I saw it in the movies…I heard others talk about it…but I never FELT it.
Until Saturday, June Sixteenth Two Thousand and Twelve.
There truly are no words that can really describe that feeling of utter shock, helplessness, sadness, despair, anger, regret.
Rage? No, not even rage can encompass the range of emotions that go through one’s 
heart and mind at that moment. To all of you that one time or another have felt this feeling, I offer my deep, deep sympathise and hope that with time I will get to a place of acceptance and piece which I hear will happen, eventually.
As for now, today my tears are no longer accompanied with sobs, but are quietly rolling down my cheeks with every thought of him.
As for now, today my grief continues for a baby brother that I remember fondly as a baby boy, a young man full of mischief and deviltry.
As for now, today my regrets mount one after another; might have’s, should have’s and would have’s are so, so many…yet today they all are…too late. Just some insignificant words that are too damn late to be implemented!
As for now, today our family has gathered around me to grieve with me; to share their stories of him that will stay in their hearts and find permanent place in mine; to celebrate him and his life.
As for now, today I am still not ready to say good-bye, but will say…May God grant him the deep sleep of rest; may He give him piece he no doubt sought; and may He grant us a second chance at this brother/sister thing, because without that belief my pain would truly be unbearable.
I will forever be to him his Ceca first and foremost.
